1. Only one hot summer month after the crane collapsed into the apartment directly behind mine, building continued on the lot due west. As per uge, I had a feeling it was going to be a long one before even leaving my apartment. Two steps out the door, I turned left to walk down the blue construction corridor that begins my eleven block hike to the 4,5. Just as I lifted my left foot and began to bring it down, something caught my eye - the 18 inch rat crouching where I nearly stepped. I screamed, it didn't move. The lovely gentleman at the other end of the tunnel noted my paralysis and helped me to cross the street. My roommate later confirmed that just ten minutes later, it was in the same spot but on its side in a pile of puke.
2. I was nearly peed on by three adult male humans in five business days last February. The first instance was your average dude peeing with extra splashy vigor on the building outside the Reif's Station on your block on your way home. Some fancy footwork and the bullet was dodged, no bigs. Exhibit two was a little more dicey when, a few days later, the probably homeless gentleman sitting three seats down on the 4 train wizzed where he sat. (If you gotta go, you gotta go - you know what I'm talkin' 'bout.) It was quite surprising to see the puddle streaming toward me as the train started moving, but I was up in a flash, as un-wizzed-upon as I had been all day, really. It started to get ridiculous when, on my way to work the next morning I was hoofing it up Carnegie Hill and saw a clearly out of his mind gentleman being escorted out of an apartment building with his pants at his knees and a perfect (and quite high!) arc of wiz coming my way. I had to cross the street to avoid getting pee in my hair in this instance. I did not even know that what I had witnessed was anatomically possible.
3. I was barfed on while taking the 4,5 to work in September. By barfed on, I do mean one speck splattered onto my shoe, but in my mind that is as good as being in the lower level audience at the movies with Chunk letting loose from the balcony above.
4. We've all been preached at on the subway, but to hear someone repeatedly shout "Men don't lust for women's butts! Girls don't show your figure to men!" on your way to dealing with TPS reports is enough to send a chill up your spine. Even, or rather especially, G's and Ho's would have trouble getting work done after that one.
Posts
