Don't ever let this guy plan your tailgate!

Well, it's 9:30 and I have already had a pretty full day.  While smuggling two chicken breasts from G's apt (wrapped in foil, then papertowl, then a shirt to, you know, prevent e. coli contamination from spreading to my keys and wallet) I had my first "hi boys" encounter of the day standing in the hallway locking his door. (Whenever I see firemen, I give them their due respect by greeting them as Stacy greets Wayne, just before flipping over the hood of that Nova while Wayne and Garth are playing street hockey.  It's the least I can do.)  No fire there, it seems someone else has 311 on speed dial as well.  (I am sorry if the fire dept ever shut your party down soon after my departure, but it was a safety hazard.)   

After relying on the kindness of a stranger to press the 'next stop' strip on the m103, I arrived home and promptly checked the dvr.  Crazy Jim Cramer hosting Mad Money at the University of Iowa!?  Once more I was pleasantly surprised with my own foresight into what I might want to mostly ff through.   I usually never pay attention to this show, but I gotta ask - is Seinfeld getting royalties for his flagrant thievery of 'Cramerica?'  I mean, I've never uttered a sentence that I didn't memorize from a movie, but I rarely to never get even a penny for my thoughts.

Next, with the "germs, germs, germs" song from the Today Show running through my head, I proceeded to bleach most of the hard surfaces in my apartment.  The song is catchy.  Also catchy is the list of Matt Lauer nicknames from the McSweeney's book of lists I read three years ago, so thinking of that, I spent fifteen minutes online trying to find the particular blurb about the man whose fears haunt my own.  If you scroll down about 3/4 the way here, you can see why it would be worth so much of my highly valuable time.

While combing the internet, I came across another good McSweeney's List which is particularly useful in these tough economic times.  With the Big Guy on the brain (big ups!), I began reflecting about a keychain the P had lost deep in the basement couch at The House at the end of Gnahn for three years which said "Jesus is coming, look busy!"    (Not, but perhaps more aptly, Jesus is busy, look concerned.)  Which lead me to remember Bob Bob's interpretation of the keychain URAQT, on to the license plate YUBH8N (because you spent money on that), then AAR BLR (to be pronounced, Arrgh, Blur.)  In summation, if there is one piece of advice Cramerica needs to hear, when in Hawktown, careful who you let plan your tailgate.  I'm off to go heat up some chicken breasts in a completely fire safe manner now!