4.23.2009
4.16.2009
My New Favorite Word
Thank you to my lovely oldest niece for reminding me how much I love the word "whore." If ever I am in a bad mood, please call someone I know a whore, and all will be well again. Well, I will probably still be sick of someone's shoot, (as will you, most likely) but I will not be quite so intensely focused on my rage or tears of sadness/annoyance.
Speaking of whores, here are a few of my favorite whores today:
1. Anna Nardini from seasons 6 & 7 of Gilmore Girls. God, she's such a whore.
2. Me - I'm such a whore for the library ever since I moved four blocks from one! I accidentally checked out two more books today, putting me at having five library books in my possession, which we all know I won't finish. I'm such a whore (for swiping that card.) Incidentally, I think libraries are going to experience a real renaissance this year, so go renew that card.
3. Meringue. It's so hard! And elusive! F, stupid meringue, the stupid whore.
Yeah, I guess that's about it for today. Stay tuned for future whore proclamations.
Speaking of whores, here are a few of my favorite whores today:
1. Anna Nardini from seasons 6 & 7 of Gilmore Girls. God, she's such a whore.
2. Me - I'm such a whore for the library ever since I moved four blocks from one! I accidentally checked out two more books today, putting me at having five library books in my possession, which we all know I won't finish. I'm such a whore (for swiping that card.) Incidentally, I think libraries are going to experience a real renaissance this year, so go renew that card.
3. Meringue. It's so hard! And elusive! F, stupid meringue, the stupid whore.
Yeah, I guess that's about it for today. Stay tuned for future whore proclamations.
4.09.2009
i just want to dance
Oh no
Earlier this week I developed a very unhealthy addiction to Crumbs Bake Shop cupcakes. They are very indulgent, especially when you are bored and slightly unnerved by your own not working. In an effort to ween myself off these cupcakes, I just found myself buying a bag of Milky Way Minis, making them the methadone to my cupcake smack. F.
Unexpected Findings
I was cleaning out my box-o-papers, which sadly included credit card statements from the year 2000, and most unexpectedly found laffy taffy wrappers that had been stuck in the bottom of a folder since at least 1997. Laffy Taffy wrappers, I'm sure you recall, have the world's worst jokes on the inside. Alas! Unless, you realized the one thing that would make them funny, as me and my fellow back porch enthusiasts thought we had. In our case, the key was to add "in bed with Bad Strumer" (let's call him) to the question and/or answer. Here are some examples:
Q: Why didn't the shark eat the woman in bed with Bad Strumer?
A: Because it was a man eating shark in bed with Bad Strumer.
Q: Who is safe from a man-eating shark in bed with Bad Strumer?
A: Women and Children in bed with Bad Strumer.
Q: Why did the stop light turn as red as Bad Strumer?
A: So would you if you had to change in the middle of the street in bed with Bad Srumer.
See what's happening here? Or should I say- guess you had to be there?
Q: Why didn't the shark eat the woman in bed with Bad Strumer?
A: Because it was a man eating shark in bed with Bad Strumer.
Q: Who is safe from a man-eating shark in bed with Bad Strumer?
A: Women and Children in bed with Bad Strumer.
Q: Why did the stop light turn as red as Bad Strumer?
A: So would you if you had to change in the middle of the street in bed with Bad Srumer.
See what's happening here? Or should I say- guess you had to be there?
4.07.2009
Other Things
In addition to the most recent post, I would like to highlight some other things of which I have recently revised my opinion. Perhaps this is significant of hope, or really just a lesson in forming opinions until you have given something a chance. Or, in reality, likely just very telling about what a person comes to when unemployed for nearly six months.
1. Short stories. The first thing I have reconsidered upon further reading is short stories. They are great, you should read some. Don't skip them in the New Yorker, and keep a book of them next to your bed. You won't be sorry.
2. Characters on Gilmore Girls. After watching all the seasons in a row, I am reforming my opinion on the following: Dean is no longer good enough for Rory, Logan Huntsberger now is. Christopher is now a loser, Luke no longer is. Lorelai rules, but Emily rules more. Lorelai should be nicer to Emily because she is just as judgmental of Rory as Emily is of her.
3. Monster.com. Three of the four job interviews I have had since my unemployment happened because I posted my resume on Monster. Nobody ever tells you to post your resume on Monster (other than Monster) but I guess it kind of works. It will especially work if I get one of those jobs.
4. Pole dancing. Mmm Hm. It turns out if you leave your clothes on it's not just for sluts. It's a good work out and fun and requires skill - 'er practice. I had rehearsed my Emily Gilmore response to pole dancing for weeks before doing it at a bachelorette party, all in vain.
5. Christian Slater's acting ability. He is kind of good in The Contender, in which the character he played wasn't 'Christian Slater in Gleaming the Cube.'
6. Stuff. I don't really want so much stuff anymore. It's hard to get rid of, but I am becoming very aware of how truly close I am to becoming an actual hoarder. I refuse to become an actual hoarder, so if you give me something, be aware that it will likely later become a self-challenge and victory if I manage to throw it away. But thank you in advance! I really appreciate the thought. So much so that I will likely view it as deeply significant of our relationship and/or an extension of you, and have a very difficult time getting rid of it. So maybe just gift cards?
1. Short stories. The first thing I have reconsidered upon further reading is short stories. They are great, you should read some. Don't skip them in the New Yorker, and keep a book of them next to your bed. You won't be sorry.
2. Characters on Gilmore Girls. After watching all the seasons in a row, I am reforming my opinion on the following: Dean is no longer good enough for Rory, Logan Huntsberger now is. Christopher is now a loser, Luke no longer is. Lorelai rules, but Emily rules more. Lorelai should be nicer to Emily because she is just as judgmental of Rory as Emily is of her.
3. Monster.com. Three of the four job interviews I have had since my unemployment happened because I posted my resume on Monster. Nobody ever tells you to post your resume on Monster (other than Monster) but I guess it kind of works. It will especially work if I get one of those jobs.
4. Pole dancing. Mmm Hm. It turns out if you leave your clothes on it's not just for sluts. It's a good work out and fun and requires skill - 'er practice. I had rehearsed my Emily Gilmore response to pole dancing for weeks before doing it at a bachelorette party, all in vain.
5. Christian Slater's acting ability. He is kind of good in The Contender, in which the character he played wasn't 'Christian Slater in Gleaming the Cube.'
6. Stuff. I don't really want so much stuff anymore. It's hard to get rid of, but I am becoming very aware of how truly close I am to becoming an actual hoarder. I refuse to become an actual hoarder, so if you give me something, be aware that it will likely later become a self-challenge and victory if I manage to throw it away. But thank you in advance! I really appreciate the thought. So much so that I will likely view it as deeply significant of our relationship and/or an extension of you, and have a very difficult time getting rid of it. So maybe just gift cards?
Best Hour of TV
Today is Kathie Lee's one year anniversary of joining the forth hour of the Today Show, and I would like to revise my stance on this quarter of the daily news program. It is the best hour of programming each day. DVR it. I'm serious. Or you will remain ignorant to such things as the existence of beer chips, at least until you go to a party where they are serving beer chips, and then you will wonder why you are so behind. There. You have been informed.
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