IMG00109.jpg

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Spectator corgi

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Soooock!

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Gordon ordered a fountain soda on seamless web

Which arrived as such:
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Corgi butt!

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Theodosaurus in a mesh muscle tee

He knows where the weight room is!
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Theo says happy valentines day!

And give me some treats, bitch!
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What I Learned By Reading Amazon's Hot New Releases List:

People read Chelsea Handler's books.

Blech

I didn't think they could make the Bachelor boring, but my thinking is - they just did.

Mark it Zero, Curry

If I, she who is afraid of all things germy, think this is taking it too far, then it is taking it too far.  Of course you are stepping in crap and bringing it inside.  Thank you for the breaking news coverage, Geniuses at Today.  Can we go back to the scintillating story on Richard Hatch's tax status, please? 

Fw: There is no record of that,

The question texted to chacha: has a prisoner ever been stabbed with a poop shiv? The answer was worth an hour of laughs, but I say the juxtaposition of the the immediately proceding ad is where it's at.

I really want access to their ridiculous question pot.
------ SMS Text ------
From:
Sent: Aug 8, 2009 00:05
Subject: There is no record of that,

There is no record of that, but prisoners have been shot with a dart made from a Frito's bag and dipped in fecal matter.
*Back2School Shoes? Txt PAYLESS
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All I want for my birthday is one dead left front tooth bleaching

Generally I'm one of those people who thinks their berfday should be the best day ever and don't bother taking people's crap when the day arrives. Of course then there is the inevitable p.p.d. (post party depression) which I don't deal with so well. Anywho, this year for my birthday I am in an incredibly good mood because b.b.e. (best boyfriend ever) gave me exactly what I wanted, a gift to last a lifetime (or at least a diet coke free decade?) One Dead Left Front Tooth Bleaching. I found the best dentist ever, she's awesome. And am mid process, but already I would willingly smile again for the cameras. Today was my third round, and on the way there I had to do some serious not-shit-taking, while the un-dude sitting on the subway next to me went to town on the innards of his nostrils. Come on un-dude! It's my birthday! In the end, I let him enjoy. Everyone should have a good day today! And since G's gift is the kind that keeps giving, every day hence forth! (Hopefully this will aleviate the p.p.d.) Just don't touch anything on the subway ever again.

Sharkiness

Check out these sharkweek cupcakes.

I don't know what to make of...

The contents of this box. What inannimate object could be so racist??
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Slowest News Day Ever

I suspected the world had come to a stand-still when they let Erin Burnett back on the famed first hour of Today (who is very lucky people want to stare at more than her charisma), but when they hit the popularity dive of Crocs in the first 17 minutes, I started to worry it would be a v boring day.  Lo and behold, it was, confirmed when THIS made People's Headlines.  Fortunately I've got two days of Gilmore Girls taped and a Burn Notice waiting for me back at the pad to help give this sucker some kick.

The Opposite of Swollen Menengis

We just had an emergency meeting to learn that a coworker has menengitis.  Meanwhile, no sterilization has taken place, so I'm playing by my own rules, and reading The Onion online until it's time to go home.  Onion, as it turns out, isn't just a cure for vampirism, but also a cure to psyching yourself out when you realize you are a sitting duck in a cesspool of coworkers' goo.  Exhibit A.

 

I feel sooooo much better now.

Ed Swed

Loving the Bachelorette this much can't be good for me.  Or Ed.  My take-aways from Monday's epi were...

 

Things Modern Medicine can recitify for Ed: Ed being ED.

 

Things Modern Medicine can't recify for Ed: That Caesar 'do. 

 

Things I don't want Modern Medicine to rectify for Ed:  His Chicago accent and his father's Bears fandom.

 

All I can think about is who is she going to pick and how will I ever wait for the next Bachelorette!?!  It is affecting my work quality.  (That and some of the people I work with.  And what I do.)

Tourists in our own city

Visiting the ever famous and historic Drumgoole plaza.
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One of my best friends.

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Fwd: Confirmation from Hell

I get these email confirmations about once every three months.  I'm sorry to see my doppelganger down under has cyliacs, and am wondering if this is another sign of the impending apocalypse.  Regardless, it makes me think of a bumper sticker (maybe I'm quoting for the second time on this blog) that Matt once quoted to me - In case of rapture, this car will be unmanned. 

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: <confirmation@hell.co.nz>
Date: Fri, Jun 26, 2009 at 2:34 AM
Subject: Confirmation from Hell
To: @gmail.com


Greetings,

HELL is pleased to confirm your order, and the fact that it has aided your descent into eternal damnation. You'll be enjoying a devilishly good pizza at around 7:02 PM.
Our minions want to make sure they've got the address and your order right.

Order #349518
Order placed: 26/06/09 18:34

Delivery Details:

Phone No:0211562821
Estimated Delivery time: 7:02 PM
My Address
35 Wrantage Street
Westown
New Plymouth
New Zealand

Note:

YOUR ORDER:

1 x Double Gluttony
Double Gluten Free Base
2 x Cajun Wedges
Garlic Mayo Dip x 4
1 x Double Mischief
Chilli * * *, Double Gluten Free Base
1 x Double Lust
Add Double Gluten Free Base, Smokey BBQ Sauce, Sweet Chilli Sauce

Delivery Fee $7.00

------------------
Total Items: 5
Total Price: $71.10
------------------

Payment expected by Cash

Please do not respond to this e-mail as the store will not check e-mails.
To change anything on your order you must call the store on 06 759 0666.

New Plymouth
38 Leach St (Next to Steak House)
GST Number # 92-128-134

See you in HELL!
www.hell.co.nz