An open letter to A Rod, re: roids

Dear A Rod,
I didn't care that you did roids at all - really I didn't. It was perfectly fine with me - roid away! Until five minutes ago, when you held a press conference that cut off the last five minutes of All My Children. Because here's the thing, it's just getting good after being so bad for so long. I would say I haven't really been interested since the writers' strike, which was quite a hiatus for a lifer like me to take. Plus, I'm sure you saw on CNN.com that Binx and Reece were getting hitched in the first ever Soap lesbian wedding. This is the big time! And now, just as it took so long to get the real Greenlee back and as uncrazy as before her untimely departure (and ill-advised real life marriage to Bachelor reject extraordinaire, Bob) you went ahead and scheduled a press conference to admit for the hundredth time that you let your cousin stick loaded needles in your buttocks just in time to make me miss whether or not what they found in the river was a piece of her wedding dress!

Here's what else. Is your target audience even at home watching t.v. at 1:55pm on a Tuesday? No, they're at work doing their jobs that they get paid a measly fraction of what you get paid to do with no possible substance they could even creatively use to enhance their performance. So you aren't really facing them, you're facing me - the fired and hopeless, those trying to wring a little joy out of an otherwise bleak daytime line-up. So come on! Why don't you just do it at 3am, when everyone is sleeping? At least then you aren't interrupting Daytime and angering the last group of people who were going to care that you did roids.

Finally, I beg of you, if you are going to ever have a press conference during AMC to announce something else really stupid and waaaay after the fact again, could you at least first practice reading all those big words someone else printed out for you? Seeing you stumbling over the word "stupid" is just more than our poor hearts can bear.

Now kindly please use your fame to arrange for me to visit the AMC studios and receive a live version of the last two minutes of today's episode.

xo,
Suddenly Manic for Manny