Mark it Zero, Curry

If I, she who is afraid of all things germy, think this is taking it too far, then it is taking it too far.  Of course you are stepping in crap and bringing it inside.  Thank you for the breaking news coverage, Geniuses at Today.  Can we go back to the scintillating story on Richard Hatch's tax status, please? 

Fw: There is no record of that,

The question texted to chacha: has a prisoner ever been stabbed with a poop shiv? The answer was worth an hour of laughs, but I say the juxtaposition of the the immediately proceding ad is where it's at.

I really want access to their ridiculous question pot.
------ SMS Text ------
From:
Sent: Aug 8, 2009 00:05
Subject: There is no record of that,

There is no record of that, but prisoners have been shot with a dart made from a Frito's bag and dipped in fecal matter.
*Back2School Shoes? Txt PAYLESS
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

All I want for my birthday is one dead left front tooth bleaching

Generally I'm one of those people who thinks their berfday should be the best day ever and don't bother taking people's crap when the day arrives. Of course then there is the inevitable p.p.d. (post party depression) which I don't deal with so well. Anywho, this year for my birthday I am in an incredibly good mood because b.b.e. (best boyfriend ever) gave me exactly what I wanted, a gift to last a lifetime (or at least a diet coke free decade?) One Dead Left Front Tooth Bleaching. I found the best dentist ever, she's awesome. And am mid process, but already I would willingly smile again for the cameras. Today was my third round, and on the way there I had to do some serious not-shit-taking, while the un-dude sitting on the subway next to me went to town on the innards of his nostrils. Come on un-dude! It's my birthday! In the end, I let him enjoy. Everyone should have a good day today! And since G's gift is the kind that keeps giving, every day hence forth! (Hopefully this will aleviate the p.p.d.) Just don't touch anything on the subway ever again.

Sharkiness

Check out these sharkweek cupcakes.

I don't know what to make of...

The contents of this box. What inannimate object could be so racist??
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Slowest News Day Ever

I suspected the world had come to a stand-still when they let Erin Burnett back on the famed first hour of Today (who is very lucky people want to stare at more than her charisma), but when they hit the popularity dive of Crocs in the first 17 minutes, I started to worry it would be a v boring day.  Lo and behold, it was, confirmed when THIS made People's Headlines.  Fortunately I've got two days of Gilmore Girls taped and a Burn Notice waiting for me back at the pad to help give this sucker some kick.

The Opposite of Swollen Menengis

We just had an emergency meeting to learn that a coworker has menengitis.  Meanwhile, no sterilization has taken place, so I'm playing by my own rules, and reading The Onion online until it's time to go home.  Onion, as it turns out, isn't just a cure for vampirism, but also a cure to psyching yourself out when you realize you are a sitting duck in a cesspool of coworkers' goo.  Exhibit A.

 

I feel sooooo much better now.