Theo says happy valentines day!

And give me some treats, bitch!
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

What I Learned By Reading Amazon's Hot New Releases List:

People read Chelsea Handler's books.

Blech

I didn't think they could make the Bachelor boring, but my thinking is - they just did.

Mark it Zero, Curry

If I, she who is afraid of all things germy, think this is taking it too far, then it is taking it too far.  Of course you are stepping in crap and bringing it inside.  Thank you for the breaking news coverage, Geniuses at Today.  Can we go back to the scintillating story on Richard Hatch's tax status, please? 

Fw: There is no record of that,

The question texted to chacha: has a prisoner ever been stabbed with a poop shiv? The answer was worth an hour of laughs, but I say the juxtaposition of the the immediately proceding ad is where it's at.

I really want access to their ridiculous question pot.
------ SMS Text ------
From:
Sent: Aug 8, 2009 00:05
Subject: There is no record of that,

There is no record of that, but prisoners have been shot with a dart made from a Frito's bag and dipped in fecal matter.
*Back2School Shoes? Txt PAYLESS
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

All I want for my birthday is one dead left front tooth bleaching

Generally I'm one of those people who thinks their berfday should be the best day ever and don't bother taking people's crap when the day arrives. Of course then there is the inevitable p.p.d. (post party depression) which I don't deal with so well. Anywho, this year for my birthday I am in an incredibly good mood because b.b.e. (best boyfriend ever) gave me exactly what I wanted, a gift to last a lifetime (or at least a diet coke free decade?) One Dead Left Front Tooth Bleaching. I found the best dentist ever, she's awesome. And am mid process, but already I would willingly smile again for the cameras. Today was my third round, and on the way there I had to do some serious not-shit-taking, while the un-dude sitting on the subway next to me went to town on the innards of his nostrils. Come on un-dude! It's my birthday! In the end, I let him enjoy. Everyone should have a good day today! And since G's gift is the kind that keeps giving, every day hence forth! (Hopefully this will aleviate the p.p.d.) Just don't touch anything on the subway ever again.

Sharkiness

Check out these sharkweek cupcakes.